Consequences
Consequences is a game we play when a group is drinking together. It consists of multiple rounds. The first thing you do is write a man's name. Then you fold the paper over and pass it to your left. Fold it small so as to maximize the space left whilst concealing your contribution. When you receive the paper from the person on your right, you will write a fact about a man, fold, and pass. Next one is a woman's name. Then a fact about a woman. Then you write how they met followed by "he said 'answer'" then "she said 'answer'". After that is "the neighbours thought" and finally your conclusion. The papers are all mixed together and read aloud for the group to hear. I have included the results of the last game for you to see how they can work out to be very funny.
The Dean
Craves pickles and ice cream
Victoria Beckham
Has one normal boon and one weird one
They met during a hoola-hoop competition
He said, “I have to crap!”
She said, “Have you ever seen white asparagus, it looks like a penis”
The neighbours thought “those are definitely screams of pleasure, let’s watch”
Together they massaged each other until one peed their pants.
Adam Banks
Takes one bite out of each hot dog and throws the rest out
Cruella Deville
Pops Zanex until she passes out every night
They met while operating microphones on the set of a porno film: Forrest Hump
He said, “we’re gonna have to put it down”
She said, “Take your hat off and say it again”
The neighbours thought it’s about time those two got together
Together they sold drugs out of a school bus.
Jack Layton
Goes surfing everyday
Aunt Gemima
Eats marshmallows while doing hot yoga
They met while walking on the sun with Smash Mouth
He said, “I can’t make bigger, it’s all I’ve got. Why do you need me to have a big belt anyways; you some kind of pervert?”
She said, “It feels so good when that happens”
The neighbours thought “phewf, they can’t pregnant with her on top”
Together they played twister under the moon-light listening to Queen.
Marc Anthony
Has 3 weird freckles on his dick
Betty Rubble
Only wears black when she is happy
They met at a Star Wars convention
He said, “Girl, I love those purple cheetah leggings”
She said, “Not until I lubricate the engine!”
The neighbours thought, “what a bunch of common idiots”
Together they built a sweet fort…..in heaven.
Chase Phillips
Breaks glass with his dick
Lesley Fong
Stays home watching Oprah
They met in the back of a cop car (featured on Campus Police)
He said, “I want to shuck your corn cob”
She said, “Well I never in my life have heard such filth”
The neighbours thought they banged too much, then not enough. But they were lunatics anyways.
Together they attempted to make magic happen.
Sidney Crosby
Ribbits when he gets drunk
Beyonce
Walks on a tight rope made of dildos connected tip to tip
They met at an orgy thrown by Prince Harry
He said, “I ate a whole pizza for breakfast!”
She said, “There’s nothing illegal about this, we’re second cousins”
The neighbours thought “I’m never shaking his hand again”
Together they invented toaster stroudles and made millions.
Tom Cruise
Wastes time swimming in sewage pipes
Beyonce
Strips on Tuesdays for some extra makeup money
They met in divorce court
He said, “I bet I could fit both boobs in my mouth!”
She said, “I’ve never felt this way before”
The neighbours thought blow up dolls were just a gag gift
Together they killed the nosy, thinking neighbours.
The Man in Yellow
Liked to ballroom dance
Caroline
Loves to sing Madonna
They met chaperoning a high school dance
He said, “Your butt makes pigeons cry”
She said, “I heard that men like that kind of thing”
The neighbours thought, I hope their house blows up soon.
Together they discovered a new sex move that saved mankind forever.
Spencer
Plays in bed with his kittens
Mariah Carey
Loooooooves chocolate
They met at a pumpkin patch for special kids
He said, “I can fit my whole fist in your mouth”
She said, “Your prosthetic penis doesn’t bother me”
The neighbours thought Alex Trebek is a sexy motherfucker! Everyday of the year!
Together they blasted each other with sparkling white wine zorks!
The Pillsbury Doughboy
Walks amongst the dead
Don Ciccio’s wife
Kick boxes everyday at 6:23pm
They met on plenty of fish
He said, “Don’t squeeze it too hard or I’ll ruin your snowsuit.”
She said, “ha ha haaaaaa, you’re ducked!”
The neighbours thought it would only last until Xmas, then it went well past Easter. They were so bummed.
Together they went and joined the mile high club.
Pigman
Likes taking brisk walks
The white witch of Jamaica
Enjoyed singing to her dogs
They met while skinny dipping
He said, “Hey! Nice cabbages, if you know what I mean….”
She said, “Alphabet soup! That’s dangerous!”
The neighbours thought that the food processor belonged in the kitchen but they are old fashioned.
Together they built sandcastles.
Anthony
Moves to music gracefully
Miss Piggy
Licks her cats sequentially
They met while hunting the same river monster
He said, “Wow, what an amazing noise!”
She said, “Why thank you!”
The neighbours thought, “these motherfuckers are crazy”
Together they cauterized all wounds, big and small.
John Lennon
Eats summer sausage sensually
Derek McDonald (he’s gay)
Guzzles Big Gulps full of seminal fluid
They met while he was robbing Mac’s and she was buying smokes, condoms and cookies.
He said, “mmm bop, dipado wa dowap mmm bop, don’t you just love Hanson?”
She said, “I’m open for it if you are….”
The neighbours thought. “Do you think they’re swingers?”
Together they built a rocket ship made of dildos and blasted into space.
Scotty Pippen
Has testicles like grapefruits
Celine Dion
Likes it better when she’s wasted
They met on the set of a Meatloaf music video
He said, “What’s new pusscat, whoa, whoa, whoaaaaa?”
She said, “When you said that it turned to Niagara Falls down there! Sploosh!”
The neighbours thought they needed a cleaning lady
Together they played drink sticks with their genitals.
Mr. Bean
Is gayer than a Broadway musical
Stephanie Tanner
Was always DTF in winter
They met at a murder scene, she was the victim
He said, “You look good in my shirt”
She said, “I am not going to do THAT to your butt”
The neighbours thought “we need to get in on that action”
Together they opened a tanjelo farm and rejuvenated the grilling orange business. Until he died of full blown aids.
Morgan Freeman
Hates girls who don’t bang on the first date
Charity
Could only “finish” if new born kittens were present. Newborn in the last week.
They met on the Dumbo ride at Disney World
He said, “Stop laughing! Don’t they all look like this?”
She said, “I don’t care if it hurts, I want all of it!”
The neighbours thought, “How is that even possible?”
Together they made a kid but fucked it up pretty bad, in all the ways.
Reginald Chartreusse
Owns waaaaay too many cactus dildos
Julia Childs
Forages for food in dumpsters
They met while picking strawberries (nude of course)
He said, “What in God’s good name is that?”
She said, “Get a vasectomy or get the soup strainer.”
The neighbours thought, “must be a full moon tonight”
Together they fed each other freshly picked strawberries while watching Power Rangers.
Jiminy Cricket
Had sex with a dude once, in college, he thought it was a girl
Elizabeth Taylor
Wears men’s underwear under her clothes
They met behind a mobile porno truck
He said, “If you have a problem, yo, I’ll solve it.
She said, “I scream when it hurts, do it until I need a wheelchair”
The neighbours thought, “I wonder how they keep their lawn so green?”
Together they lived happily ever after.
James Bond
Sucks on tootsie pops imagining they are women’s toes
Hilary Clinton
Would be beautiful if she didn’t have chronic diarrhea
They met on the grassy knoll (wink, wink)
He said, “I have a car and a functional penis. The dick pills are just in case”
She said, “Call me, maybe.”
The neighbours thought, “I’ve never seen a back massager used like that!”
Together they made love under a KFC sign.
Giseppi
Pees the bed every night
Felicia Osterhousen
Is always drinking cranberry juice…..for some reason
They met at the Lego movie
He said, “This is great! Except for your stench”
She said, “let’s see if we have enough power”
The neighbours thought, “Good for them, good for them” (slow clap)
Together they cured cancer by drinking